Why You Miss Those Casual Friends So Much

Gillian M. Sandstrom; A.V.  Whillans

Editorial | Harvard Business Review Digital Articles | April 22, 2020

Why You Miss Those Casual Friends So Much

by Gillian M. Sandstrom and A.V. Whillans

Abstract

On a typical day, we interact with somewhere between 11 and 16 casual acquaintances—for example, the barista we see every morning or the colleague we greet in the hallway. During the Covid-19 pandemic, with many of us practicing physical distancing, these once-common interactions have disappeared, and our social ties have been limited to more formal, scheduled—and often exhausting—check-ins with family and close friends. The authors offer suggestions on how to repurpose the informality and spontaneity of weak-tie interactions to help us stay connected while reducing the risk of burnout.

Keywords: psychology; Interpersonal Communication;

Format: Electronic

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Citation:

Sandstrom, Gillian M., and A.V. Whillans. "Why You Miss Those Casual Friends So Much." Harvard Business Review Digital Articles (April 22, 2020). (Shared Authorship.)

Who benefits most from helping others? Previous research suggests that common polymorphisms of the oxytocin receptor gene (OXTR) predict whether people behave generously and experience increases in positive mood in response to socially-focused experiences in daily life. Building on these findings, we conducted an experiment with a large, ethnically homogenous sample (N=437) to examine whether individual differences in three frequently studied single nucleotide polymorphisms of OXTR (rs53576, rs2268498, rs2254298) also predict differences in the positive mood benefits of financial generosity. Consistent with past research, participants who were randomly assigned to purchase items for others (vs. themselves) reported greater positive affect. Contrary to predictions, using Bayesian statistics, we found conclusive evidence that the benefits of generosity were not moderated by individual differences in OXTR SNPs. The current work highlights the importance of publishing null results to build cumulative knowledge linking neurobiological factors to positive emotional experiences.

This article reveals a behavioral tendency that may contribute to the spread of the novel coronavirus (SARS-CoV-2). Across seven studies—including two representative samples of Americans and Canadians (N = 3,408)—we show that people consistently underestimate the risk of contracting the coronavirus from close others (i.e., friends) compared to other groups (e.g., colleagues or strangers). We reveal that informing people of their (unconscious) preference to believe that friends are less risky than strangers can effectively attenuate this behavioral tendency. Together, these results shed light on a critical area of intervention for promoting social distancing: people’s beliefs about the risk of contracting the coronavirus from their friends.

Across five studies (N=3,071), we explore the interpersonal consequences of COVID risk communication when rejecting social invitations. In Study 1, people underestimate the benefits and overestimate the costs of rejecting social invitations for risk-related reasons. In Studies 2a&b, people are more likely to communicate risk when they are focused on welfare (vs. social) concerns. In Studies 3a&b, we replicate and extend these results in the context of actual social invitations. Together, these studies suggest that people should feel less concerned about rejecting social concerns for COVID-related reasons: risk communication could be more effective, and more positively perceived than people predict. These studies also suggest that policy makers should emphasize the welfare (vs. social costs) of COVID in ongoing communications.

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Why You Miss Those Casual Friends So Much

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