It took a single shot to turn my
entire world upside down.
Fourth of July 2010. As fireworks lit
up the sky above Lake Berryessa, fifty miles away Big Brother fired a bullet through
his brain. I still remember that night clear as day.
Growing up I thought I would follow
Big Brother to the moon. When he leapt, I leapt. Where he flew, I flew beside
him. Big Brother taught me to stay hungry and to stay focused, to endure in the
face of adversity, and to love unconditionally.
Big Brother was strong, but he was not
superhuman. In his last years, I watched helplessly as addiction took hold of Big Brother and
would not let him go. When he finally freed himself that fateful Fourth of July, I realized
there was no one left to follow.
I lost my best friend to an addiction,
and I will never watch helplessly again.
I will live life the way Big Brother
deserved to live his: free of fear, free of restraint, free of regret.
I will free myself from those dark
places that trapped Big Brother.
I will fight those same demons and I
Meanwhile, my only addiction will be
to the sweetness of life.
To the taste of a new day.
To the rush of a new friend, a new
the promise of keeping Big Brother’s memory alive.